Dear Dental Assistant Lady,
It may surprise you to learn that I thought you were very attractive when we first met. Your shiny, red hair was lively, and so perfectly matched your lipstick. You put your gloved hand in mine as you walked me to the dental chair and sat me down. Then when you had a look at my teeth you said, “Your teeth are pretty clean, but you must learn to floss, little mister.†With a piece of minty string wrapped around your fingers, you began gently removing food particles from my teeth and I enjoyed it. Little did I know that that piece of floss would become the thin line between love and hate. I believed the button that read, “I was a brave boy!†How was I to know you were only patronizing me?
As it turned out, I was a naïve boy. At the next visit, I was missing a front tooth. My mom and auntie thought it was just “a-dorable!†But when I ran up to show you, you looked down at me in disapproval. Your nose looked twice as long as it did during the previous visit and you didn’t smile even once. While you were checking my teeth, you blandly asked, “Did you floss this time?†I was nervous, but I respected you enough to be honest. I said, “Umm…I did a couppla’ times.†But apparently a couppla times wasn’t good enough for you because you just grunted and unraveled a piece of dental floss. It wasn’t a mint piece this time, let alone spicy cinnamon. Instead you flossed me with a plain white piece that the dentist could have used to tie his sailboat to the pier. I bled, of course, but I didn’t let you see me cry. I had to prove what your brave boy could endure.
You were so haggard to me the third time, I thought you looked like a witch. This time my teeth were clean though. I had brushed literally after every meal, and I flossed every evening with the rough white floss that drew blood during the previous visit. Your indifference was the same as it was the time before, but I was ready. You asked me the usual question, but I shook my head and said no. You said, “Well, then you know what I have to do?†and I simply nodded in agreement. I caught the look of confusion in your eye, as you gazed upon my perfect teeth, and it was very hard not to laugh. You gave me your roughest treatment, but I lost not a drop of blood, nor did I wince. The truth is I couldn’t feel a thing, and you looked so helpless for it.
Before our last check up together, I had continued brushing and flossing every single day, that is, everyday but the last. I had a lunch of chicken and popcorn not even an hour before my appointment. I’d had a growth spurt, so I was half a foot taller and my blond hair was turning brown. Your eyes had grown old though. You offered me your latex-gloved hand, but this time I did not take it and went ahead of you to the dentist chair. You didn’t ask me this time, but had a piece of mint floss waiting in your jacket pocket. I almost felt pity because you looked as sad as I felt when you made me bleed a year earlier. Still, to this day it’s the best floss I’ve ever had.
God help me, but I missed you when it was someone new during the next appointment. That visit was special because they found I had a cavity. It was my first. Now that I’ve grown older, I only go to the dentist when there’s a pain in my mouth, but I still think of you whenever I, well…the point is, I still think of you.
All the best,