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There was a time when I thought I had everything. My ideal genetics gave me good looks and intelligence. Of course, money and women soon followed. In the workplace, my word was law and nobody dared question my decisions. My friends all held me in deep adoration.

 

One day, I went to a Chinese restaurant specific to the Xizang region. I had a date or coworker with me, but who exactly is irrelevant. The rice and noodles were still on the menu, but any slight alteration to the spices wasn’t what made the place special.

 

At the end of the meal, they gave us our fortune cookies. I customarily crushed it in my fist and took out the two-inch ribbon of paper from beneath the crumbs. It read, “It’s better to be a tireless braggart than engage in false modesty. You should work on that.” I sneered at the message and brushed the cookie from my hand without eating any.

 

I called to the waiter, “What kind of joke is this? Your fortune cookie just abused me.”

 

He answered, “Ah, these are resolution cookies. We believe criticism that leads to self improvement will be of greater value to you than any Earthly treasure.”

 

“Great, thanks.”

 

When the waiter left, I snatched the cookie from my dinner guest’s hands and crushed it too. This one read, “You may be able to intimidate your associates, but you can’t intimidate me.”

 

The restaurant was some miles from the office, but it became my regular spot to have lunch. Even when I lacked an appetite, I would order a meal, take two bites and smash open a new cookie.  Eventually, I built a vast collection. They said, “Don’t talk in circles, when an exit immediately presents itself,” “If you walk a mile in somebody’s shoes, disinfect afterwards,” and “Work on your signature wrestling move.”

After the first few, I suspected the cookies weren’t taking me seriously…